Archive | February, 2011

Larry the cat says ‘Fuck this, I quit!’

28 Feb

With literally nothing else to do but run the country, MP’s at 10 Downing Street have actually started to criticise the performance of their latest member, Larry the Cat.

It was hoped that Larry was going to strike fear into the hearts of the rodents that frequent the famous Downing Street building.

Larry seen here enjoying the view, said in an exculsive interview with TDS, ‘Oh man, this lot are on my case 24/7. I never signed up to this, it’s bollocks. Where’s my expenses? I was promised unlimited expenses! All I hear all day is this lot banging on about rats…this place is full of rats, I can’t catch ’em all!

I’m done with it mate, they leave that door open long enough, I tell ya, I’m off.’

Bob for TDS – rats in Downing St? Who would have guessed it…

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I Know It’s Not a Popularity Contest buuuutt….

26 Feb

So im sure you all down with whats going on in the middle east at the moment,

If you’re not il sum it up for you …its all gone to shit …well shiter anyway, it was always sand and semtex but now its gone revolution.

Libya being the one recently kicking off with the worlds wierdo ole Muammar Gaddafi who im ashamed to say is my favorite dictator.

yeahhh I don’t get it, what’s the fuss? So Gaddafi is a violent dictator who doesn’t seem to be afraid to kill (or have people kill) his own citizens… His fashions are CA-RAZAY! He gives Lady Gaga a run for her money, any day of the week!

Check out the Gaddafi style

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you kids at home want to make a Gadaffi all you need is

 

On a more serious note, even though we didn’t help the Egyptians in their crisis im sure the government will pull together to help out the oil rich Libyans.

Toby le’rone

Breast Milk Ice Cream? What the Fu#k?

25 Feb

Some lunatic woman in Covent Garden is hawking out her breast milk in the form of ice cream.

Now I’m sure that out there, in TDS reader land, some of you will be thinking, ahhh that’s nice, it’s so natural!

And you’ed be right…it is natural, natural for a nutcase!

Nope. No thanks. I want to eat your breast milk ice cream about as much as you want to eat my spunk sandwiches.

Bob for TDS – BoobIce, whatever next?

All-National Hole Digging Competition

24 Feb

Now you may have thought reading the title that this is the latest debacle in the government expenses scandal, but you would be wrong…

1000 people standing in a field on the outskirts of Tokyo?

Golden Shovels?

Only in Japan!!!

Those crazy Japs are at it again, not content with supplying the world with every piece of electronic equipment you can think of, Sushi, oh and some duff cars with no breaks, they have only gone and staked a claim as the first event in the all-new ‘DirtySide Alternative Olympics’.

The idea of competition hole digging, is unsurprisingly, to dig holes. Not just any holes though, contestants are judged on depth, style and costume. Yeah style? I’m not sure…how stylish can a hole get?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get down and dirty: Competition digging in full swing.

 

The prize for the best hole is the coveted golden shovel!

 

 

 

 

 

I hate digging and would hate to be any part of a hole digging competition, but would I like a golden shovel? Yeah! Who wouldn’t?!

With so many people publicly digging holes for themselves these days,  it’s nice to see someone enjoying it!

Bob for TDS – Thanks Gem

The Dirty Side can exclusively reveal that the problems in the Middle East are to be made into a smash West End show: The Middle Greased.

23 Feb

 

 

 

 

 

The Middle Greased will follow the story of wholesome good girl Sandy and greaser renegade Danny Zuko who fall in love over the summer, in the build up to the riots. But when they unexpectedly discover they’re now in the opposing anti-government protests, will they be able to rekindle their romance?

It is believed the show will feature popular show songs such as:

‘You’re the one that I want to bomb’

‘Hopelessly aiming at you’

‘Look at me, I’m standing on a Tank’

‘Rock n Riots are here forever’

‘Hound Dog is rabid, stone it!’

‘Tyre fire of love’

‘Tears on my pillow, it’s all I have left’

‘Freddy my love, throw that rock’

‘There are worst things I could do, but not much’

‘Look at me I’m Gad-da-fi’

It is believed the role of Danny Zuko is to be played by amature dramatics enthusiast Colonel Gaddafi.

 

 

 

 

 

It is believed that American diplomat Condoleezza Rice immediately put herself forward for the role of Sandy, but has been rejected for obvious reasons. Shes a man! Oh yeah and a Vampire.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The tour dates are expected to be announced later this year.

Bob for TDS – summer dreams ripped at the seams, bu-ut oh, those su-ummmmmer fights…

Horse uses the power of the mind to levitate dog!

22 Feb

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This exclusive TDS footage clearly shows a common pony levitating a small dog using only the power of the mind.

It has been suggested that all horses have the ability to levitate, if only Electro Horse had known that last week…

Bob for TDS – Electro Horse? Hummmmmm

The Middle East Activity Holiday Experience

21 Feb

Are you bored of the standard beach break?

Do you prefer your cocktails to be of the Molotov variety?

Ever wondered what it’s like to stand on a moving tank?

Do you dream of being part of something?

Well this is for you!!

For a limited time only TDS presents:

The Middle East Activity Holiday Experience

 

The Experience

Waking to the sounds of gunfire, you will feel totally at ease with your surroundings. After scavenging for breakfast feel free to choose from one of the many activities the Middle East has to offer. Maybe you fancy throwing some rocks at the police? Maybe you want to loot a shop or even just unwind with a romantic tyre fire, The Middle Eastern Activity Holiday experience has everything you need.

White water rafting? How about Libyan crowd control surfing? The Middle East experience will literally take your breath away, nothing gets the heart racing like running from an angry mob. Take the time to burn a flag or lynch a non-believer, The Middle Eastern experience is geared to your wants and your needs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Warm your soul with a tyre fire, relax and unwind as the poisonous gasses pollute the atmosphere.

Staying with us

Here at The Middle Eastern Activity Holiday Experience we pride ourselves on our literally unparalleled accommodation options. It’s up to you! If you want to sleep in busy bustling squares then do so, if you want the comfort of a town house and you can overturn the owner then take it, the relaxed civil rights laws in the Middle East lend themselves very much to doing whatever you like.

Currency

Tired of spending money on your holidays? Not with The Middle Eastern experience. You don’t need any money at all! Just pillage what you need as and when you need it. That goes for everything from car hire to Baba Ghanoush.

Prices

Due to the current economic and social issues occuring  in the Middle East, TDS can offer this package deal at an amazing one-off price.

£4.99  Yep that’s right, just £4.99

Insurance

Not needed! Yes that’s right, you literally don’t need insurance, why waste the money when any chance of you making it home to actually make a claim is slim to none.

Return Flights

Again not needed! Yes thats right, you probably won’t make it back

Bob for Al Jazeera…

It came as a shock to me says Horse

15 Feb

Horse 0 – Electricity 2

Celebrity Black Out

14 Feb

Its only been a few weeks after sexist comments ment the end of a presenting career for sports dinosaur Richard Keys but in a true “kick a man when he’s down” style racism has now been added to his lovely set of attributes.

Now we all know the media would never go digging around though every transcript of this guys conversations for the last 15 years to find something else to nail into his careers coffin….would they!?

ha yeah they would, a new comment by Richard describing a black football player as “Choco” has emerged…now although he made this comment off air… oh and before i forget 11 years ago it has been a brilliant source for the news papers to jump on the band wagon of beating the shit out of any sports presenters lately.

The brilliant thing about this news story is they described the “insult” as a “fresh” new story yeahhhh 11 years old that’s fucking fresh!

TDS Conclusion: Ok we get it he’s a little sexist and a little racist but you don’t need to tell people what he said years ago ……Richard keys wets bed …..45 years ago.

|Toby Le’rone

He has given us sign ! He has given us ….. a shoe ! The shoe is the sign. Let us follow his example. Lets us , like him, hold up one shoe and let the other be upon our foot. For this is His sign, and all who follow Him shall do likewise.

11 Feb

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bored of protesting Egyptians in Cairo reenact famous scene from “Life of Brian”

Bob for TDS  – he’s not the Messiah, he’s very naughty boy!